Happily Ever After?

I come from a broken home and in all honesty, this didn't deter me from the thought of being married. (And if my parents are reading this, I hope they know I do not blame them for how I am.) I used to think, I've seen what not to do, so, I won't do those things and I'll be the best husband. Ever. I remember telling people this when they would ask me about my parents divorce and it gave me an optimistic view on the future. But, as my life went on I learned and saw a lot more about life then just the experience from my family.

What about cheating? I want to say I would never cheat on my spouse, but, how do I know future me will be? I don't know what things will happen in my life and what I will become. Why would I want to put her through the pain of not feeling like she was enough? What of her? I can control myself. I am the "Master of my fate, the captain of my soul" (William Henley) But what of my significant other? I know I am completely counting my eggs before they hatch, heck, I'm counting my eggs before I even have a chicken. But, I am not the captain of her soul. She can choose and act for herself all she wants. What if at the end of my fairy tale ending there isn't a happily ever after? What if it's just me crying at the step of my castle because my bedroom is now empty?

Speaking of this fairy tale ending, what of the kids that get brought into this fairy tale? Can you imagine the ending of this story?

"Soon enough, they had a house full of beautiful children and they lived happily ever after. Until mom had an affair and soon the divorce papers were under way. The father was served and soon enough the kids had two homes, two moms and two dads. Two Christmases and two birthdays. And they had double the happily ever after."

I know I'm playing the "what if" game. I know there are countless talks out there and many, many scriptures about having faith. I know many people who would tell me these fears are not real, but, they're still fears. I have no idea how strong future me will be because I know how weak past me was. I have heard countless times, "I'm not getting married to get divorced." and "Divorce is not an option." Who wants to stay in a marriage all their life if they are unhappy? Why would I want to be in a home where I'm not loved? Why would I want to be miserable the rest of my life because, "It's not an option"? It won't be just me who gets hurt if things go wrong after the words "I do" are said.

I realize there are a lot of questions marks and my future is as bright as my faith. I know the sun will come up tomorrow and these are just fears. But, I don't want to get hurt. I don't want others to get hurt. That's just it, I'm scared. I'm afraid to make the choice, because, what if I make the wrong one?