#LDSconf

The most I have ever participated in this hash tag was last general conference with this beloved photo and caption coined from the family friendly film, Straight Out of Compton.

(If you listen to the song titled "Straight out of Compton" my words comment matches up with the first few lines. Just saying)

I was quite proud of this post, I was participating in a light hearted way. It allowed me to be able to say I was a online missionary and shared the gospel all while being a striaght thug while wearing a Mr. Rogers sweater. My last blog post was about participating in the Easter hash tag so of course  my teacher made us participate in the general conference hashtag. (I wanted to say she "invited" us to participate but when a grade is at stake, it's more forceful and less inviting.) I jumped into the trending hash tag with this tweet.

I hate to admit, but this is 100% true. I don't remember anything else besides this. It might be because I played a Star Wars app on my phone the whole 4 hours of the Saturday session but that is besides the point. And when priesthood session rolled around, I heard the perfect quote that belonged on my facebook wall. Hopefully my girlfriend didn't take this personally otherwise, I'll have to update my status to single pretty soon. 

It actually got a lot more notice than I thought it would. I was quite happy with this post because I was able to deliver a powerful quote and also lighten it up with my humor. Some people are able to bare their testimonies on social media but part of me doesn't feel comfortable doing that yet. This tweet I was a little more sincere and a little more heartfelt.

 The honest reasoning for this post was two reasons. One, I wanted to get retweeted by @ldschurch. I see them retweeting peoples posts all day long. And a lot of them, in my opinion, are not worthy of a like. The second reason was I needed to have three posts participating in the hash tag. And this closed the book for that assignment. Maybe because I had these not-so Godly motivations I didn't get retweeted or even three likes? But, I could use my own advice in this post. My posts don't need to be perfect to be worthy of being noticed, generating good or sharing the gospel. I shared my belief in a simple way. I shared the gospel in a simple way. God doesn't need us to have millions of followers and millions of likes, shares and comment in order to spread His word. He knows we are going to be scared. He knows that kids like me will share His word through humor. And that's okay. We don't need to be perfect to be worthy of His love. Who knows, if you participate He might even bless you by mentioning you in conference.

(He was talking about his dad Paul, but, I'll take credit either way.)

Happily Ever After?

I come from a broken home and in all honesty, this didn't deter me from the thought of being married. (And if my parents are reading this, I hope they know I do not blame them for how I am.) I used to think, I've seen what not to do, so, I won't do those things and I'll be the best husband. Ever. I remember telling people this when they would ask me about my parents divorce and it gave me an optimistic view on the future. But, as my life went on I learned and saw a lot more about life then just the experience from my family.

What about cheating? I want to say I would never cheat on my spouse, but, how do I know future me will be? I don't know what things will happen in my life and what I will become. Why would I want to put her through the pain of not feeling like she was enough? What of her? I can control myself. I am the "Master of my fate, the captain of my soul" (William Henley) But what of my significant other? I know I am completely counting my eggs before they hatch, heck, I'm counting my eggs before I even have a chicken. But, I am not the captain of her soul. She can choose and act for herself all she wants. What if at the end of my fairy tale ending there isn't a happily ever after? What if it's just me crying at the step of my castle because my bedroom is now empty?

Speaking of this fairy tale ending, what of the kids that get brought into this fairy tale? Can you imagine the ending of this story?

"Soon enough, they had a house full of beautiful children and they lived happily ever after. Until mom had an affair and soon the divorce papers were under way. The father was served and soon enough the kids had two homes, two moms and two dads. Two Christmases and two birthdays. And they had double the happily ever after."

I know I'm playing the "what if" game. I know there are countless talks out there and many, many scriptures about having faith. I know many people who would tell me these fears are not real, but, they're still fears. I have no idea how strong future me will be because I know how weak past me was. I have heard countless times, "I'm not getting married to get divorced." and "Divorce is not an option." Who wants to stay in a marriage all their life if they are unhappy? Why would I want to be in a home where I'm not loved? Why would I want to be miserable the rest of my life because, "It's not an option"? It won't be just me who gets hurt if things go wrong after the words "I do" are said.

I realize there are a lot of questions marks and my future is as bright as my faith. I know the sun will come up tomorrow and these are just fears. But, I don't want to get hurt. I don't want others to get hurt. That's just it, I'm scared. I'm afraid to make the choice, because, what if I make the wrong one?